June 2013
Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?
Thrift Shop
Kidz Bop Kids
p33p:
im going to fucking cry
please no
im
jesus did not die for this
my milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they’re like “how much?” and im like “3.75”. I am a milkshake vendor
In Spanish, we don’t really say “I love you” we say “traeme una cerveza” which roughly translates to “you are the light of my soul” & I think that’s beautiful.
can someone explain the joke
how to spot a gringa in 2 seconds
fifty shades (thats it. thats the whole joke. im wearing 50 pairs of sunglasses right now this is comedy gold people)
“ya but how many chainz” i holler from the back of the crowd. suddenly its my show and your girlfriend is on my arm now. shes also a man and your gay
school just doesnt fit in with my heavy rock n roll lifestyle
*policeman voice* alright sir im going to have to ask you a few questions. *pulls out notepad* where did you come from? where did you go? *slams fists on interrogation table* where DID you come from cotton eyed joe?
whenever i use only one exclamation point i feel like a middle-aged dad who just discovered the internet!
- person: you're blocking the view
- me: i am the view
things im tired of seeing on my dash:
- white girl jokes
- romanticized self harm
- people being dicks to nice people
- people beING HARASSED FOR MAKING A SMALL MISTAKE
if u smash snails on purpose ur a fuckin piece of shit they are tiny cuties trying 2 get somewhere as fast as they can pls help them out
What’s the difference between a piano and a fish
One is an inanimate object used for musical purposes while the other is a water inhabiting vertebrate
you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish
most people don’t know this but rain is actually tupac’s tears whenever a teenage white girl says the n word
